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Fantasy Baseball Trading Stereotypes
The not-so-Subtle negotiation of Fantasy Baseball owners
Community Post by: Jeff Long
With special thanks to Nate, AJ, Kyle, GorillaJoe, and the discord!
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With trade season winding down, I’d like to take a minute to reflect on one of the most fun parts of fantasy baseball, trading. It’s a beautiful thing when you finally negotiate the perfect deal and in an ideal world both teams would end up better. That’s the goal, isn’t it? But sometimes competition brings out the worst in us. From the horrible opening offer to “just start the conversation” to the endless “What do you want for?” Here’s a list of some of the shenanigans of the fantasy baseball trade deadline.
Doctor Frankenstein: Trades for guys on the IL in hopes of piecing together a monster. They often run out of IL spots but sets up a triage unit on the bench. Who needs depth anyway?
Lebowski: responds to your offer three weeks later....by accepting. When you do get his attention, he responds "That's interesting." Then, you get a decline or accept three weeks later.
Charlie Brown: The poor sap in your league that gets ripped off all the time. They keep trying and trying thinking this is the one, but never can seem to kick that football.
AJ Preller: makes trades to make trades. This owner is like a kid after drinking a liter of soda, can’t sit still, won’t sit still.
The Watcher: active in the league but never trades. Will listen to offers but never pulls the trigger.
The Belichick: loves draft picks way too much. Ends up with more picks than roster spots.
The Minasian: the ultimate win now. They will trade all prospects for veterans. Eventually, the entire team retires, and their roster is filled off the wire.
The Whelcher: guy so desperate to trade he makes bad offers but before you can agree he thinks about it and cancels them.
The Window Shopper: Always wants to know the price of all your players but never makes an offer.
The Politician: runs to the trade “poll” channel with every offer guy? Always looking for confirmation that their deal is good.
The Straw Man: Tirelessly negotiates a deal until both parties agree only to use that deal to get another owner to pay more. If the other deal falls through tries to get a final add in to “sweeten the pot.”
Trash Compactor. This guy will offer you 7 replacement-level players, all for the low low price of your best player.
The Computer: Doesn’t accept trades unless the online calculator says it’s a good deal. Often make Trash Compactor type deals and doesn’t understand why you won’t accept.
The Nike: Just Do It. “I asked around, and everyone agreed you’d win this deal” “Come on, man it’s a good deal.” “ you’re not gonna get a better deal” “I can’t believe I even offered you that” are some of their favorite lines. They will say anything they have to to get you to cave to their offer.
The Deuce Seven: Ridiculously bad opening offer, you know, "just to get the convo going" guy. Often sends offers like Eric Hosmer for Matt Olson.
Snake Oil guy: This guy tries to sell off formerly great players after one good outing claiming that they are fixed! Often their offers come with a pitch detailing all the latest cherry-picked stats to leave you with a rosy impression of their player. Anything to distract you from the fact you’re actually getting nothing in return.
The Homer: Rosters their favorite team and knows everything about them. Platoon splits, tendencies, matchups.
Those Damn Yankees: We almost all have that team you just love to hate, but this player takes it to the extreme. They won’t draft em, claim em, and auto decline trades involving them. They’d rather lose than roster a damn Yank….
National Inquirer: tries to sell all the injury scandal guys before the news of the injury reaches the buyers ears. Seemingly watches games for any glimpse of a limp just so he can sell before a player ends up on the IL.
The Scrooge: won’t trade unless they get a massive overpay. Has incredibly marked up prices for his own players and discounts yours to the greatest extent.
The Salt Mine: the guy who complains he would’ve given you more after every deal goes down.
The Menu Guy: Gives you a list of players for you to choose from for your player. They refuse to make an offer but will almost always counter yours. “Just make me an offer.” “That’s close just add one little tweak.”
The It’s Not You, it’s me: After hours of negotiation and endless amounts of offers. This guy says I don’t think this is gonna work. It’s a good offer, but I’ll pass.
The Soccer Mom: Complains about your offer not being good enough while pretending that their players are perfect. Expects you to pay a king's ransom for their kids!
There are plenty more. Feel free to come up with your own and post them in the Dynasty Dugout Discord for all to enjoy!